Stupid smartcar.

After a challenging first week in class, the weekend arrived. Ellen and I decided to rent a car (she’s driving and I’m navigating) and drive up into the mountains, where the vineyards are. She first thought of going to Avellino, well-known for its wine, and we eventually ended up with a hotel reservation in Solofra, at the Solofra Palace Hotel and Spa. This is a quaint little town five km outside of Avellino. We got the hotel to make dinner reservations for us at the Michelin-starred restaurant in Feudi di San Gregorio. This is probably the best regarded winemaker in Campania, and the restaurant got rave reviews. All this sounds wonderful, a nice break from school.  

So we pick up the car on Friday afternoon, and hit the road. Italy has many virtues, but the presence of road signage is not among them. It got a little hairy, but we managed to avoid driving through Napoli and actually got on the correct autostrata. The GPS informed us that we were several km away from our hotel just as I spotted it, mere meters away. We should perhaps have paid more attention to this at the time, but as we had arrived at the hotel, we just got on with checking in, unpacking, etc. After the stressful drive, we decided to have dinner at the hotel rather than trying to find our way in the dark. It was uninspiring to say the least. Worst meal of the trip. Pasta undersalted, missing acid and a little crunchy. Fish badly overcooked. Wine oxidized so badly we sent it back.

Ellen with the Smartcar

As the next day was Saturday, I slept through breakfast. But Ellen and I decided to drive into Solofra to seek out lunch, since the hotel’s restaurant was so lackluster the night before. We jump in the Smartcar, fire up the GPS and keep an eye out for an open restaurant.

First, we meander through a thoroughly closed, nigh on abandoned zona industriale. Then we go around a traffic circle and do actually happen upon downtown Solofra. Which is similarly shut down. The only open businesses are bars, which serve only espresso, booze and possible some pastry items. We see a promising looking place, find a spot to park. Parking is… I’ll go with exciting. Though Ellen has wisely insisted on renting a car with an automatic transmission, the Smartcar behaves just like a manual whilst in neutral and reverse. So parallel parking on a hill while find this out was a challenge. But Ellen came through brilliantly: she didn’t hit any other cars and parked our car pretty close to the curb. Then we walk into the place that looked like a restaurant only to discover that it is just a nicer-looking bar, and that it doesn’t have any food.

At this point we decide to give up on Solofra and just go back to the hotel for lunch. Fire up the GPS, and we are off. This machine proceeds to lead us up hills, down hills, the wrong way down a one-way street. Into people’s driveways. If I hear the word “recalculating” again anytime soon, don’t hold me responsible for my actions.

The Smartcar, perhaps sensing our desperation, decides that it will no longer go into reverse. So, when we inevitably need to turn around, I hop out of the passenger seat and push the car backwards. This happens perhaps four or five times. Unfortunately, no video exists or we could be the next viral video. At least it was a small car.  Approximately an hour, perhaps 90 minutes later, we happen upon a couple of carabinieri and ask for directions. A couple of guys chatting with the cops, seeing our predicament, offer to lead us to our hotel. Which is perhaps eight minutes away.

Poolside at the Solofra Palace Hotel

We eat sandwiches and drink beers poolside at around three. I’ll admit, that Heineken tasted better than any I’ve ever had.  I do not recommend driving in southern Italy. And I wasn’t even the one driving.

Dinner at the winery, however, was fabulous. Details to follow.